perhaps my pickup lines need work...

If I were a saccharimeter, and a lab technician in the research-and-development department of a major candy manufacturer's headquarters were to place me in you (but not in a dirty way, for you are simply the syrupy base for a potential new candy product, and I am just an instrument that can help determine your level of sweetness), the reading would be so far off the Brix scale that the technician would not, in good conscience, be able to recommend that the company proceed with manufacturing you on a large scale, for you would be much too cloying and, as further analysis would prove, quite dangerous to the target demographic of children ages of 8 to 14 (but I, on the other hand, would find you perfectly sweet).

mcsweeney's