emily burned seven calories.

sex-related information provided by my mother:

number of calories burned:
during the act of insertion 0.25
when taking it from the rear 40.5
while in the back of a honda civic 38.0
from a possible sex side effect (chafed nose) 11.0
while urgently begging 22.0
having a real orgasm 27.0
having a fake orgasm 160.0
regaining motor control of pelvis 7.0
avoiding the wet spot 80.0


a conversation with my mother:

me: what's one thing that not everyone does?
mother: parents having sex in front of their children?
me: okay, not quite the insertion i was looking for.