remember when...

i said "i'll be with you in two secs" to the car in drive-thru, forgot to press-off the button, and proceeded to ask jenny if when i say "be with you in two secs" if the "secs" sounds like i'm saying "sex".

wet dreams

evan: hey you!
me: YOU!
evan: I was sleeping, cunt
me: wahahahaha
evan: and having a very good dream involving jake gyllenhaal
evan: AND YOU WOKE ME UP
evan: RIGHT AS I
evan: WAS UNBUTTONING HIS PANTS
evan: YOU CUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNT
me: that's because you can't dream about my man
evan: hahaha