i must be lost because i was sure paradise was further south.

after a large majority of the people visiting my site have been searching for vegina, i felt obligated to leave this editor's note on the vegina entry:

"those of you who keep searching for 'vegina', 'types of vegina', 'pics of vegina', or some other variation, try searching for 'VAGINA' because that is the proper English spelling for the female genitalia and will probably will get you better results. "

can anyone explain this comic book cover?

googlism for "emily"

emily is very sneaky
emily is always desperate
emily is making me ill
emily is everything
emily is better than martha stewart
emily is a massive chewer
emily is a four
emily is determined to make such an unpalatable marriage unnecessary
emily is grateful for what she and jeff had
emily is also available
emily is an 8" bunny dressed in a sailor suit
emily is odd looking
emily is my very special person
emily is a bitch
emily is also crazy about sweden
emily is an accomplished fly fishing instructor
emily is a 3 year old who has a degenerative disease
emily is a bikini model
emily is finding it difficult to describe what she's seeing
emily is approx 20 inches long from head to toe

“Dahil sa pagkagulat at takot, hindi agad nakakilos ang biktima,” a prober gathered.

more titles of emails sent to me by father:

• nude man beats car with pigeon
• cat bondage
• coors beer company chief faces drunken driving charges
• napoleon dynamite festival
• cats who look like hitler
• computer simulation of Earth being destroyed by a100km-wide asteroid
• man eats 47 grilled cheese sandwiches in 10 minutes
• beating the gay out of you
• STDs running rampant in retirement community
• my cat hates you
• i didn't think i was doing anything wrong at the time
• HUGH JACKMAN's wife
• smell like Play-Doh
• when did koolaid guy start wearing pants?
• dinosaur fart
• Maury Povich sex scandal
• how to put on a Band Aid so it stays on all day.
• (S+C) x (B+F/T = V
  
• the long-distance journey of a fast-food order
• human upgrades
• dead man sat in car along busy highway for days
• sometimes i doubt your commitment to sparkle motion
• contract of wifely expectations
• and by great, i mean unpleasant
• the wisdom of parasites
• demonic tots

a photo sent to me by father:

paugh

i smell sex and kettlecorn here.

so last night, graham and i were starting to walk around the uch complex. as we near a window, in the dorms, on the bottom floor, i notice movement. as we walk closer, i finally realize what i'm seeing - people having sex! dear god, it must have been in their fit of young passion that they forgot to close the blinds (and windows!) and turn off the lights, especially on the bottom floor. needless to say, we only went on one lap, laughing all the way, but i still kinda wish they were wearing viking helmets (two birds with one stone, no?).

then, when we got back to his car, another one pulls up shortly after, out of which stumbles one slightly drunk passenger and sober driver. upon seeing graham, drunken girl wanders over with her inexplicably large bag of popcorn and says, "do you want some kettlecorn?"
her friend, trying to call her off to the apartment, provokes the girl to further say, "shut up, i'm trying to make friends." but then she left, just when we were getting to know her so well.

pickles, cheese pickles, pickles on my pickles.

chad vader, day shift manager.

we're on notice

emily, from previous incidents, has come to find herself intolerably good-looking.

Ultimately, this is a fun way to coat oneself, one's friends and one's surroundings in soda without resorting to the simple expedient of pouring it on them:

a coke-tacular explosion

in other news:

the world has finally invented iv drips for plants.

christ on a cracker.

when people take the Onion seriously: "I just know it's going to be the best non-anesthetized invasive uterine surgery ever!"

happy getting a pap schmear day!

mother: "usually you wouldn't need a pap smear unless a) you were forty or older, or b) sexually active, which ever happens first for you."