things to remember from a bar night:

-dancing to backstreet boys' everybody on the stage (and yes, i did wave my hands around like i just didn't care)
-watching a girl use her breasts to support a bottle and drink from it
-having a dance-off with various people
-having less than intimate conversations in the back of cabs with strange boys
-using my dance skillz to get a free ride home

a fast of less-than epic proportions.

let's talk about the time some us were suckered into an unnecessary 36-hr fast. i say unnecessary because neither mike or me are capable of pounding back epic amounts of food (ie. i am only capable of eating 1/2 a sandwich, whereas evelyn (the instigator of this event) is able to eat 3 full plates of breakfast in a sitting. it didn't help that the rules made it ridiculously hard to manage oneself during the daylight hours (mike, for example, became extremely more disheveled and useless as the day progressed...i developed a twitch and hallucinations): one could only drink liquids that were see-through and sugar-less. needless to say, many a herbal tea was sweeten with splenda (cancer before calories!).

i, of course, gave up after 18hrs. i'm not sure how others are doing...probably passed-out in a weaken state of hunger. le sigh.

have a romy and michelle day!

mom, dad: here's a photo to remember what i look like.

cartoon law of physics.

Cartoon Law VII
Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space. The painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow into the painting. This is ultimately a problem of art, not of science.

changing of the roommates.

mom, dad, this is mike.

another tale of the campus starbucks

Seeing as how my last attempt at this particular starbucks turned out rather successfully, i decided to give it a second shot. This is justified as with any experiment, you must try it out many times to prove your hypothesis right (or wrong). Unfortunately, the results this time turned out for the worse and only served to disprove my hypothesis that a person can actually get a decent drink from said location.

What went wrong, you ask? i had to have them remake the drink because halfway through he refilled the hopper, letting the first two shots go bad, and the third shot be the 'first-shot-from-the-empty-hopper shot', which are always suspicious. Somehow though, the second drink wasn't any better than i imagine the first drink would have been. Le sigh.

So, the question now is: is the third time the charm?

another moment that just proves how well i'm doing on my own:
last night there was a point where i willingly took off my own bra.

I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking you out.

clever emily strikes again.

so today i ventured into the world of campus starbucks again with a gameplan in mind. realizing that they would obviously fuck up a grande caramel 3/4 full americano, i instead ordered the drink as such, "i'd like 4 pumps of caramel and 3 shots of espresso in a grande cup with a sleeve." deciding ahead of time to add the water myself was the crucial key to getting a halfway decent drink from them. however, the shots did taste off, but i can deal as long as they aren't over watered.

perhaps my pickup lines need work...

If I were a saccharimeter, and a lab technician in the research-and-development department of a major candy manufacturer's headquarters were to place me in you (but not in a dirty way, for you are simply the syrupy base for a potential new candy product, and I am just an instrument that can help determine your level of sweetness), the reading would be so far off the Brix scale that the technician would not, in good conscience, be able to recommend that the company proceed with manufacturing you on a large scale, for you would be much too cloying and, as further analysis would prove, quite dangerous to the target demographic of children ages of 8 to 14 (but I, on the other hand, would find you perfectly sweet).

mcsweeney's

tomorrow's forecast: cloudy with a big chance of nudity at the dt.

emily: urgh k i need to do some laundry otherwise i'll be walking around naked tomorrow @ work
evan: ...don't do laundry, i'd skip work just to get a naked latte

a little belated, but still full of sorrow.

rest easy mr. robert adler.