emil=emily...again.

reminder to self: do not study bowel elimination when on an airplane and likely to already be nauseous.

emil is letting his fingers do the walking.

conversations with my parents:

1) scene: emil is drawing perverted naked photos of evan and himself on evan's facebook graffiti wall:

mother: his penis is circumcised? you know, once you go uncircumcised, you'll never go back. trust me.

father: they look like small monsters.

emil: how do you know that? FAG.

father: well...you know...from when i was younger - hockey, gym class...

mother: and your brother.  your brother was uncircumcised until it got infected when he was two.

emil: either way, they're not very enjoyable.

father: wait! how do you know their enjoyment level?

emily: well...you know...i am a nursing student - that, and i had that stint with internet porn a few years back.

father: have you touched one?

emil: ...

2) scene: emil is innocently trying to get some studying done, in the kitchen, but with constant chattering from her mother disrupting the thought process:

emil: leave me alone.

mother: are you grumpy? why don't you take a break?

emil: no.

mother: take a shower?

emil: no.

mother: go for a walk?

emil: no.

mother: masturbate?

emil: later.

emil just wants to relax tonight and watch 'the passion of the christ'.

perv time! so. i went to the new-ish dollarama downtown yesterday to purchase some posterboard for a project and had a balding (but also overcompensating by growing out the rest of his hair), 30-ish, phat, security guard try to pick me up by talking to me about artichoke hearts and crackers. and then, when that wasn't working, he told me about how he was buying a funnel to help facilitate his ice-tea making.  

he must live in his mom's basement.

emil wants to remind you to help control the pet population!

Why I am tired....

For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough
sunshine, too much pressure from my job, earwax build-up, poor blood or
anything else I could think of. But now I found out the real reason:
I'm tired because I'm overworked. Here's why:

The population of this country is 273 million.

140 million are retired.

That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school.   Which leaves 48 million to do the work.

Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 19 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama
Bin-Laden. Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 14.8 million people who work for state and
city governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals. Leaving
1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me. And there you are sitting on your ass, at your computer,
reading jokes. Nice. Real nice.

tumblinas

emil is devoting more than the usual amount of free time to inappropriateness.

the terms of this deal make me puke.

emil is not wearing green today because he has a pinching fetish.

things said by the teacher in an attempt to describe pre-schoolers:

"it hurts like a little prick, you know...where it'll only hurt for a few seconds."
"it's kinda loose."
"fart and poo."
"knock knock! who's there? a big, fat, squishy banana."
"when is it appropriate to take your clothes off and touch other people?"
"12 inches."

emil is a klismaphilic.

"klismaphilia" is the word that i used to disrupt the class with, and was subsequently scolded by the teacher for. meaning? "the use of enemas for pleasure". so. the next time you're bored, just remember that it's a form of anal masturbation (and it only costs under $5!).

emil wants to make espresso with your love juices.

so. story time! i was volunteering at this presentation on 'treating cancer from a political perspective' tonight, and i was helping man the booth at the upstairs clocktower entrance. somewhere in the middle of the presentation, this guy walks past me and flashes me the pick-up smile hardcore. i'm sorry, but did i miss the memo on cancer presentations being the new singles social?
guess i can't turn off the charm, try as i might.

a forecasted chance of rain and nipples.

today was the respiratory lab and wanting to provide only the bestest of learning experiences for my fellow peers, i stripped down to the waist to allow for full palpation, percussion, and auscultation access. it's really one of those times when you wish you were wearing a better bra, but alas! at least it was the one that made my tits look fab.
heads up: the majority of the nursing guys are in my lab.