emily always did dance to her own drum.

emily is now available on youtube.

emily experiences a day of depravity.

i just thought that some of my readers might enjoy a photo post of my day of fun and adventure in the sunny streets of kamloops:

seriously, when you strip-off all my winter

layers, that's what you'll find.

what a dog.

those pants are tight. at least they were

before i got into them.

table dancing helps pay for my blow addiction.

emily attends a sexuality class.

i have spent the past 13 weeks waiting for a class that has finally happened: sexuality! it was as if sue walked into the class room to perform our lecture. and, as we all know, no such thought provoking class as this could go without highlights. here is a selection:


an exercise asked us to write one-word definitions below posters with words such as 'sex', 'reproduction', written on them. here are some of the better answer written on the 'sex' poster:
-WOO!
-FUN!
-I WISH.

you can only imagine which of these was mine. sigh.


the next exercise has us draw vaginas and penises as life-like as we wanted. here are some the smart-alecky comments that were made:
-now, nobody peek at their neighbour's and cheat.
-hey, why don't you just get up on the table and i'll trace you.
-wow, you are loose.
-that looks like a hamburger.
-i enjoy the detailing that went into the pubic hair.

however, it is when the teacher told us that most people have a tendency to draw the penises bigger than the vaginas, and asked us why we thought this might be, that i probably shouldn't have replied, "that's because size matters."


finally, we were asked to fill out a questionnaire. here are some of my answers:

sex is: best wet to avoid condom breakage.
anal is: definitely the fast track to the "in" crowd.
masturbation is: a major culprit for acne.

except, maybe when people starting comparing answers, i shouldn't have admitted to the class that i thought anal was something worth exploring. especially when everyone before me had said it wasn't for them. now i'm going to be remembered as the girl who'll bend. sigh.

emily is the broad less traveled.

it's official! i've finally managed to anger people with my coolness:

in front of the cash registers at starbucks, lucas and emily stand there mingling and generally looking really cool, really suave, when they are accosted by another customer:
man: are you two going to order something or are you just hanging out in the line up looking cool?
emily: looking cool.
man: get out of my way.
emily: but i look the coolest in front of the tills!

emily is a cock-blocker.

dialogue from last night's gay dance:
evan: this is my friend emily
emily: hey
random: aren't you that one who owns the big blue strap-on?
emily: actually, no. is that my reputation?
random: i must have you confused with someone else
emily: i almost wish i did own big blue, maybe i'd be less lonely. sigh.

emily is a mother.

i want to share a story with you that i hope you will enjoy:

last week i was dropping off a script for lucas at the green room. the teacher i gave it to, for some reason, misheard me when i said that i was his friend and, instead, thought that i said that i was his mother. so, she had a conversation with him that went something like this:
teacher: lucas, you look a lot like your mother!
lucas: uhhh...when did you meet my mother?
teacher: when she dropped off the script?
lucas: that was not my mother. that was my friend.
teacher: i thought she looked young, but i didn't want to point fingers at your family situation.

all i can say is, "mom, congrats. you're finally a grandmother." ahem.